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Walls of steel arise from nowhere as
suddenly I am cut off from my life line. The emotional abandon
and intensity that has been the catalyst for our love now,
somehow, replaced by distance. As if fearing capriciousness
and awaiting the next vagary I hide inside of myself. Inside
of my room. Inside of this writing which, undoubtedly, is
headed for solitude. Another silent expression of me. Quiet
screams that you will never hear. At least not until the
danger is gone, the mood is settled and I am able to sit
somewhat comfortably and ponder the peculiarities of myself,
my feelings and of life.
For now to scared to even move.
Delicate balance. Desperate need. Please fight through this
anger, look at me. If you are going to leave, at least me. Not
someone or something else. Be open now, this is your prejudice
and your time to confront your views and stereotypes. I am
still learning about you, still trying to understand. I beg
you to let me. Don’t push me away. I close up to fast.
Wow, off the track or what? I am at a
loss for the words - but the answer is now apparent. A believe
that is mine and is not yours and would never have been ours,
has now become “his” and, unable to explore it, we become you
and I. The closed somehow becoming the open. More surprising
though, the open is very, very closed.
Yes, this wall rises. It is not a wall
of steel though. It is a wall of blood and all that blood
supplies. A wall of nerves and tissues, a wall of the soul, a
wall of stubbornness and of insecurity. Sum total.... A wall
of survival, preservation. A wall never to be broken from the
outside, only from within.
Only from within.
Anger! |
